I give up! I can’t! I don’t think so…. What should I…? Should I? What am I doing with my life?!
These are the growing pains of a small business that I never thought would or could become what they are.
I am an all-out “If I can’t win, I don’t want to play” person, but what happens now? Did I win?
I have an instinctive need to roll a boulder in front of the cave when the trenches are clear and the army’s been saved. I can go, and do, and put up with… but when the last of the last is finished, so am I!
By all accounts an extrovert, I still need alone time to hide and regroup. This is where that cave comes in very handy.
When my kids would hit a wall during the grueling high-school years (you know, when your daughters are picked on by the mean girls, and your son is crushed by one of them), the mantra was and has always been: “Be sad, be mad, then pick yourself up and make a plan!”
plan [plan], noun: a scheme or method of acting, doing, proceeding, making, etc., developed in advance: battle plans.
Not so fast, grasshopper!
I’m well beyond a midlife crisis, a sports car and a fling – much too lazy and not who I am. Enter stage left: “A special guest … You haven’t seen her in while, folks! She’s back from a stint on Broadway … Please welcome and give her a big hand … SELF-DOUBT!”
You all know her. She’s a wallflower until an opportunity comes, and a crack in the armor soon becomes a gaping hole. And she’s a huge drag at a cocktail party!
Do we fight her off? Keep on the straight path? Did we miss a sign along the way? One that said to turn here, not there.
Have you ever sat with yourself … truly just sat there, no distractions, and hung out with yourself?
Sometimes amazing things come in the most un-amazing packages.
Recently hitting the proverbial wall, I have realized it’s not the pace, or the “thing,” or the workload, but more the way I have been looking at it. I’ve been sitting on my butt waiting for a lightning bolt to come and zap me into knowing what to do.
But the sign I have been looking for, although cliché as it sounds, has been here all along.
I just expected a grander entrance. But who am I, expecting it to be delivered in a tastefully perfect package? I always say presentation is everything, but this time not so much.
The moral of this chapter for me is: Don’t expect something unless you’re open to the simplest of answers!
And what is my answer?
“YOU DO YOU!” However and whatever that looks like. Beautiful things are achieved when you let go of what you think is expected and accept the simplest of lessons. I’m humbled by this and reminded that I don’t have everything figured out. I’m still a student and sometimes too stubborn to accept that.
If you’re wondering what all this means … stay tuned, my sweet friends. The best is yet to come!